Truth

My path has been marked by a desperate hunger to know my destiny, my call, my purpose. I have hungered for this vision, at times straining against the flow with my head thrust forward, unable to completely trust the slowly unfolding process. My path has unfolded as gently and mysteriously as anyone’s, yet my relationship with it has created more suffering than necessary. Don’t get me wrong. I have had my moments of slipping back into the present, breathing, trusting. But like a Ferris wheel, around I go again, finding myself back around with a pleading heart.
Part of my seeking has brought me to the feet of the teacher that is my dreams. With the same fervor, I have strained to understand the nighttime message, more often than not, with my logical, rational mind, while the symbols through which God communicates through my dreams slowly unfold and reveal themselves through the non-rational, intuitive mind, especially as I get distance from them and look back.
I write down my dreams every morning, sometimes in the wee hours of the morning when I wake up with one fresh in my memory. Jung said of dreams, “Every night, one has a chance of the Eucharist,” and I am in heart-felt agreement with this sentiment. As I honor these messages by recording them and working with them, a relationship builds with the dream-maker, even though that relationship is a reflection of my greater relationship with my path – the straining to see with the logical mind, seeking to understand, yet tempered with moments of trust, presence, and revelation.
I have had a series of dreams lately that have reflected to me my dishonesty. Is it any wonder it has taken multiple dreams for me to receive this communiqué? As is the case when one says ‘yes’ to the conscious journey, the universe conspires to communicate not only through dreams, but also through synchronicity. (after all, isn’t waking life but another dream.) The morning after my first “Truth” dream, I read in Morton Kelsey’s book, “Dreams: A Way to Listen to God,” “One of the most important functions of the dream is to compensate for our conscious attitudes by showing us the sides of ourselves we are usually unaware of.” I thought to myself, I’m not sure exactly where this dishonesty lives in me, where it’s manifesting.
Then in the midst of these dreams, I watched a movie that had a short scene of Gandhi speaking. He said, “I used to think God is Truth. Now I know Truth is God.” A subtle shift in perspective and a powerful one. That night, I just so happened to be in the throes of another bout of uncertainty about my purpose, about what my gifts are, about what I am to manifest in this lifetime. I went to sleep with a prayer in my heart of receptivity to receive the Eucharist as I slept.
I had dreams that again reflected subtle forms of dishonesty. These forms of truth are to protect myself from conflict, to appease, to avoid confrontation.
And as synchronicity would have it, the next morning I happened to open M. Scott Peck’s “The Road Less Traveled,” where I’d last marked my place several days before, to a section entitled “Dedication to Reality.” He explains that:
“For truth is reality. That which is false is unreal. The more clearly we see the reality of the world, the better equipped we are to deal with the world. The less clearly we see the reality of the world – the more our minds are befuddled by falsehood, misperceptions and illusions – the less able we will be to determine correct courses of action and make wise decisions. Our view of reality is like a map with which to negotiate the terrain of life. If the map is true and accurate, we will generally know where we are, and if we have decided where we want to go, we will generally know how to get there. If the map is false and inaccurate, we generally will be lost.”
The connections began to weave themselves together. As I’d been straining with my head thrust forward, all along, the way was being shown. I must practice honesty in every engagement. Only then will I know with clarity where I am and where I am to go. If I am invited to dinner and I don’t want to go, I must be true and state my preference, rather than override my instincts in order to appease my friend, unconsciously transferring my fear of abandonment onto the relationship. If I spent three hours of an afternoon creating soul cards, I need not project my inner judge on my community member by downplaying my activity with a litany of all the productive things I did do, but rather simply state my truth.
Of course all of this will create moments of conflict within and without, a form of suffering, yet this is the form of suffering that is a fire to burn away the dross and forge courage. The alternative is to suffer blindness, unconscious anger and resentment, muddy energy, and to propagate falsehood.
Yes, the MorningStar Adventure continues. The external framework of cabin-cleaning, snow-shoveling, and grounds upkeep appear to be my work. To many, my decision to let go of my outside easy-money captioning job in order to clean cabins and stack wood for a salary far below the poverty level makes little sense. And there are times when even I wonder what is this “bliss” that I’m following? It sure doesn’t feel like bliss. That is until the grace of vision is granted me and I can see my true work – the forging of Soul and Self. Jeremy Taylor shared a correspondence between Jung and a young American girl, who wrote Jung expressing her desire to come to Zurich to study with him. He wrote back and inquired, why would you want to do that? You will be miserable! This is true, but not the whole truth. Suffering the burning away of falsehoods, misperceptions, and illusion within and without is miserable work, but when the fires subside, there is the gold that makes it all worth it.
I must trust this unfoldment – there’s nothing else I am able to do – I must learn to love the questions, as Rilke says. One day I will wake up and I will be aware of what service I am here to offer; I will be giving what I am here to give. The only way is through. Words cannot express my gratitude for the gift of dreams, nature, synchronicity, and a community to reflect with, through which I am guided. May you be open to receive your guidance, too, and may you have the courage to align with your truth. As each of us does so, together we will continue this adventure and co-create a culture of Truth.